PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
