I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
