Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
