Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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