im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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