It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize