I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
