I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
