I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
