He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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