Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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