barbara walters just said penis...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
