That's intense
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
