just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
