I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
