Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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