oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
