I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
