Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
