Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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