I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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