Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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