Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
