Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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