it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
false alarm. still invincible.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize