If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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