I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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