Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
