Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
