I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
