I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
