It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
