I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize