I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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