"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
