Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
