guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
