She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
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Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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