oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
