I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
