I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you would pick up someone in the library
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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