I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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