Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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