This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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