I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
