How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
