I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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