the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
