i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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