i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
