do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
