your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
