the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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