Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
