I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Randomize
