I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
