i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
