I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i permit you to call me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.