It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
