I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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