Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
