Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
