What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
