She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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