my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
