I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
