Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
