I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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