Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
