considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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