Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
