drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
