the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
