Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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