hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
