If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
