So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love having hate sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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