i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
