i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
