I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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