Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
