Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
