Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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