Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I smell like Dick and happiness
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
