shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
